“A personal account of one of Julia’s workshops by Dana Leigh:

When I arrive at Feltspace, I am greeted warmly by Julia, the facilitator. I am late, stressed, anxious and nervous. But Julia exudes a sense of calmness and I immediately feel more relaxed. She shows me the way to the main room where the group is meeting. The chairs are set up in a circle and a warm white candle glows pleasantly in a huge glass hurricane lamp. Soft music plays quietly in the background. I feel that I am in a safe and serene space. Julia has created a haven for the day. There are about eight of us today and as we all begin introducing ourselves I learn that several of the other participants have done Family Constellation work before, some with Julia, and some with other facilitators.

Julia explains how the day will unfold, laying out the basic schedule and also offering a further sense of comfort and inclusivity. There will be several people who have brought with them an issue, something that has been bothering them and that they’ve been struggling to process. More specifically, it is an entanglement which involves, inevitably, ties to their family and loved ones. Today there are three ladies, all experienced with this kind of work to some extent, who will be sharing their issue.

The first one, Mary*, explains her situation to Julia and the rest of the group. She tells of the sort of emotional hurdles she has been experiencing. Julia asks several questions to help all of us gain further understanding of Mary’s issue. Mary then begins to select others from the group. Each one will stand in and represent the real people from Mary’s life that are involved in the issue she is facing. She is encouraged to ‘go with her gut’ as the very selection of the representatives is the beginning of the process. Mary moves a couple of ladies to the side of the circle, one facing away from the group. It is then that the representatives begin to invoke the sense of the person they are standing in for and to feel any real feelings that they begin to experience, both as themselves and as the person they are representing. This is in spite of them not actually knowing the people they are being.

Mary, like many of the participants, has been having a hard time dealing with family issues. Hers involve an ill parent and uncooperative sibling. I immediately relate to her predicament as I have been going through something surprisingly similar. In fact, there will seem to be parallels throughout the day, even though the specifics are all very different. I realise just how true it is that we are all, as humans, incredibly affected by both the history of our family and our current family dynamics. This needs to be explored and recognised if we hope to be able to break free of repeating patterns and unhealthy behaviours. We can all become so embroiled in our family dramas that we adopt certain archetypes and perpetuate the same cycles. In any given situation, we can all become the judge, the critic, the saboteur, and others.

I am soon also chosen as one of Mary’s representatives and as the work progresses with Mary, we are all asked about how we are feeling, what emotions and thoughts, and even physical feelings, we are experiencing. I feel sad but hopeful and as I share this, I can feel some tears forming in my eyes. It is an intense but beautiful thing. I notice the same in others’ eyes, especially Mary’s. Julia pushes us gently when she thinks the discussion is helpful and advancing, or steers things towards the areas she senses are more beneficial.

By the end of Mary’s session, there is a bond amongst us all. The scents of Julia’s homemade chilli soon waft through the air whilst she heats it up and we all set the table together. It is a pleasure to sit down and break bread as a group. Conversation is easy and cheerful.

After lunch it is Anne’s* turn to be in ‘the hot seat’. Her concerns are regarding her professional future and fulfilling her potential. Though not immediately as emotional as the previous session, I soon find that we all get eagerly involved just the same. It is an interesting divergence from Mary’s, as some of us represent not the people in Anne’s life, but more abstract ideas, obstacles that have perhaps been holding her back. Some are also representative of Anne herself at different times, such as how she would like to see herself in the future. Anne seems relieved and satisfied by the end of her time.

I find myself especially relating to Laura’s* family situation in the last session of the day. Again, it ends with deeply felt emotions and a strong sense of catharsis for all. We even share hugs. After a day filled with many feelings and new experiences, Julia closes our workshop and the circle with some thoughtful parting words before extinguishing the candle. I leave with a sense of accomplishment, that I have both helped and been helped. Even though I was only a representative and did not bring my own issue to the group work, it is almost as though I did. I can’t imagine how I might feel one of the future times I attend, especially when I get the opportunity to work through the process as an issue-holder. But either way, there is definitely something to be gained from attending Julia’s Family Constellation workshops and I look forward to the next.”